


It's Not the Same

by zeejayblue



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Black Paladin Keith, Blue Paladin Allura, Gen, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith angst, Nervous breakdowns, Panic Attacks, i guess, implied klance, kangst, keith isn't cut out to be leader, lance cares about keith, red paladin lance, sad keith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 16:35:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11361321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeejayblue/pseuds/zeejayblue
Summary: Keith struggles to accept the fact that he's the leader of Voltron in Shiro's absence, and their first battle without him doesn't go as well as they had planned.





	It's Not the Same

    Keith stood in the black lion’s hangar, looking at the lion up and down. It didn’t feel right without Shiro. This is Shiro’s lion, not Keith’s. Keith belonged with Red. Piloting Red felt so familiar to him, and he was used to it. He was used to being a follower, and now he’s a leader. Keith mentally cursed Shiro, wherever he is, for appointing Keith the leader of Voltron in his absence. Wherever Shiro went, Keith just wanted him to come back. Keith couldn’t be the leader even if he tried.

    “Keith?” A voice on the intercom called. It was Allura, coming from the blue lion. Keith sighed shakily as the black lion looked at him expectantly. He reluctantly climbed into the helm, sighing heavily as he adjusted himself in the seat. Keith looked around, feeling his stomach drop. This is Shiro’s lion, not his. Those same words Shiro said kept echoing in his head;  _ “If I don’t make it out of here, I want you to lead Voltron.”  _

    Today was their first fight against the Galra without Shiro. It felt surreal, and the team felt incomplete. The battle was silent, the only words exchanged were orders. It felt weird for Keith to be the one giving them, and he wasn’t used to it.

    In the middle of battle, Keith felt his heart begin to race, and his breathing quickened. He felt tears well up in his eyes. He was messing this up. Keith wasn’t cut out to be the leader. Shiro did this so effortlessly; like he was made to do it. Keith was giving his all, and everything felt so awkward and out of sync.

    “I can’t,” Keith whispered, feeling like he got the wind knocked out of him. His whole body ached, and he felt dizzy.

    “Keith, we need you,” A voice snapped on the intercom. Keith began to hyperventilate, losing grip on the black lion’s controls. Of course, in the middle of battle, he’d have an anxiety attack. Of all times for his nervous breakdown to occur, it had to be in the middle of a heated battle.

    “I can’t do this,” Keith squeaked, his voice weak as his shaky hands reached for the controls. He felt powerless as the battle continued around him.

    “Keith? What next?” Pidge’s voice chimed on the intercom. Keith just sobbed in reply, unaware that his intercom was off.

    “I.. I don’t k-know,” Keith stammered as he pressed the intercom button, his breathing shaky and hitching in his throat. Hot tears trailed down his cheeks and burned his eyes. Keith squeezed his eyes shut, and jolted in his seat when he heard a shot hitting them.

    “I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I can’t do this,” Keith repeated, feeling his lungs struggle to grab oxygen. He felt himself grow dizzy, and he began to hyperventilate again in attempts to catch some air.

    The black lion sensed Keith’s anxious state and shifted into autopilot, attacking the Galra fleet as Keith sobbed helplessly, his cries strangled in his throat. Keith attempted to calm down, and nothing was working. He was the leader now; leading the team with confidence was Keith’s job, and so far he was failing miserably at it. 

    The battle was over and the Galra fleet was defeated, and the black lion landed on the ground. Keith was still shaking and sobbing, shaky breaths catching in his throat. Keith took off his helmet to wipe the hot tears off of his face, sniffling as he looked around the black lion.

    “I can’t do this,” Keith whispered helplessly as his tears came back. 

    “Keith?” A very worried Hunk called on the intercom. Keith forgot he left his intercom on, and realized the whole team had heard him crying and hyperventilating. He sighed shakily, sniffling as more tears trailed down his cheeks and blurred his vision.

    Keith said nothing but sniffled in response, a sob bubbling in his throat as the castle came into view. Keith was the first one back in his hangar, stepping out of the black lion and looking at her again. All he felt was this bitterness in his chest that told him,  _ “This is not your lion. This is not your job. You are not the leader of Voltron.” _

     Keith ignored the worried calls of the paladins behind him. Keith just shook as more tears trailed down his cheeks. He felt pathetic and weak. He couldn’t believe the team was seeing him like this.

    “Keith?” Lance called, voice thick with concern. 

    “I can’t do this,” was all Keith replied with. It was like a broken record. It was Keith’s sole thought when he looked at the black lion. It was Keith’s only thought in his head whenever someone looked to him as a leader. Keith didn’t feel like a leader. 

    “Why did Shiro have to make me do this?” Keith whispered, a small sob escaping his lips as his legs gave out. He cried out as he fell to his knees, sobs wracking his body as he looked at the black lion.

    “I can’t do this,” Keith sobbed again. 

    “It’s not the same,” Keith cried, his voice echoing across the black lion’s hangar. The team sighed sympathetically and they kept distance from Keith, unsure of what to do in a situation like this.

    “I’m not a leader, I can’t do this,” Keith sobbed desperately, feeling his sanity slowly drain from his body. 

    “I know, but you have no choice,” Lance pointed out.

    “Don’t you think I know that?” Keith snapped back, his voice venomous as hot tears exploded down his cheeks. Lance stepped back slightly as Keith sobbed again.

    “I hate that I don’t have a choice,” Keith wailed, his fists shaking with anger and sadness. His body quivered and he hated every second of this. He realized how weak and ridiculous he looked, but he couldn’t stop crying.

    “I can’t do this,” Keith wailed, hiding his face in his hands as more sobs wracked his body. His draining sanity caused his sobs to increase in intensity and volume, and also caused him to hyperventilate.

    “I’m not the leader,” Keith managed, breathing in and out quickly and feeling his body shake violently. He couldn’t say any other words clearly, but between sobs and cries, he mouthed, “I can’t do this,” and “It’s not the same.”

    “Hey,” Lance called, sitting down next to Keith, who just continued to sob. Keith flung himself into Lance, searching for any comfort he could find. Keith’s sobs were strangled in his throat, and Lance just rubbed Keith’s back.

    “It’s okay,” Lance replied in a small voice. His heart broke for Keith. 

    “I can’t do this,” Keith sobbed for the thousandth time, his voice muffled as the words made contact with Lance’s shoulder. 

    “Shhh,” Lance shushed, rubbing Keith’s back as he willed the sobs to subside. It took a while, but eventually Keith calmed down and his nervous breakdown faded. Lance helped him up and led him inside the castle. Keith stepped in and blearily looked around, sitting on the chair in the castle’s control room so he had a view of space.

    “He’s out there, I’m sure of it,” Lance assured, standing behind Keith.

    “I’m not the black paladin, I’m the red paladin,” Keith mumbled, his eyes glued on the stars and planets outside.

    “I’m not the leader, Shiro is,” Keith’s voice got quieter as he held back more tears.

    “I know, but Shiro made you leader in his absence,” Lance replied. Keith shot Lance a glare and sniffled as he looked back out to space.

    “Shiro, I swear if you’re dead out there I will kill you,” Keith muttered, wiping the last of his tears as he looked out into space again.

**Author's Note:**

> just a smol drabble of sad keith bc i'm sad so hey projection amirite  
> this turned out to be much more upsetting than i thought it would be,, i also didn't proofread this so i apologize for any grammar or spelling errors  
> i have no motivation for CGYT? rn so i'm just writing drabbles in hopes my motivation will return to me


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